No breeze is blowing, but I’m in the shade. And in the heat of the Colombian day I’ve got nothing to do but consider my marketing strategy for getting this book up off the ground, and directly into the hands of a public desperate for a porno-style adventure story.

The bad news: in the past, I have considered myself the worst salesman in the world. The good news is, I have considered the alternative (not selling); and in all incarnations of my fantasies, it leads to me waiting tables for a living. A noble profession, I suppose, but not for me, due to the fact that I am BAD at food service. I am bad at so many things. Teaching. Singing. Washing things. No, I cannot do many things professionally; thus, the incentive for me to suddenly get GOOD at selling things, principally, this book, is high indeed.

But the real piece of good news is that I have teamed up with a very savvy marketer. I’ll call him a MARKETING GURU, to use a modern-day (and rather gay) term. His name is Shane and he’s a GODDAMN GENIUS, to use a more specific designation. Ole Shane has got a certain ability to think outside the box: and let me share with you an idea he hit me with.

Sam -

Something to consider as background to our next conversation.  Not that I’m advocating you do something like this, but an interesting idea:

http://blog.wired.com/underwire/2009/03/sold-mini-golf.html

Josh Freese, the Devo drummer whose wildly creative “freemium” packages drew widespread attention to his new record, is raking in the cash as buyers snap up his inventive, value-added deals.

Freese cooked up a tiered pricing structure for Since 1972, his new album released Tuesday, that started at free (download a single song from the record) and soared to $75,000 for the most elaborate package, with multiple levels in between. The high-end packages include bizarre adventures with Freese and some of his rock ‘n’ roll compadres, such as a personal tour of Hollywood in a sports car — on mushrooms.

He’s already listed the limited-edition $20,000 package as “sold out” on his website, pending finalization of the deal. The one-of-a-kind experience includes a miniature golf session with Freese, Tool’s Maynard James Keenan and Devo’s Mark Mothersbaugh. Other highlights: a drum lesson or foot/back massage, a night on the Queen Mary (including a “Ghost Tour”) and a guided tour through Long Beach, California, where the drummer lives.

He’s hawked a couple of the $500 packages, which include dinner at Sizzler and a session in a sensory deprivation tank, and he’s almost out of the $5,000 packages, which include producing a song and video about the buyer, plus a private tour of Disneyland, a drinking session with Freese and a personal letter from Pearl Jam guitarist Stone Gossard.

The $50 packages, which come with a CD/DVD and digital download, a T-shirt and a personal “thank you call” from Freese, are proving extremely popular. Freese said he’s already sold more than 70 of them, and he’s been busy setting up Skype calls to fans around the world. He’s already fulfilled a dozen or so, talking to fans as far away as England, Greece and Australia.

Now . . how fucking cool is that? I don’t know what we can cook up that approaches Freese’s creativity, but I love the idea of bringing attention to the book via including in the package some intangibles. After all, we all want an “immersive” experience, I think.