Archive for the ‘travel’ Category

June 22nd, 2009

hare hare hare hare hare om.

Sunday June 21st.

 

It’s time for me to be movin’ on, I think.

 

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One Krishna week was all fun and good, but a man’s got to eat something other than starches or he just might go crazy and shoot someone. Also my sweet little bachelor pad just got invaded by an Argentinian and a Greek, and this place is hardly as cool with roomies. No place is. Hairy-chested Spanish words are flying around my head. It is time to leave.

 

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They took us into town on Friday night to sell whole-wheat bread and propagandize for vegetarianism.

 

I truly never thought I would be that guy: you know, the Krishna chanting and hopping his way through town with a blissful look around the eyes, a fistful of prayer beads and Hare Om Hare Om on the lips. But then, there I was: carrying my tray of bread like a proper disciple, singing along because there was nothing better to do, in the end.

 

The townspeople didn’t blink. They dead-eyed us, and I knew then that we were recognized, a familiar sight. A few approached and asked specifically for the bread; but most of our sales came when tired people just pulled out their coins to make us go away.  I walked through the streets of Huaral chanting Hare Om Hare Om, secretly eyeing the deep-fried, seductively-breaded chicken breasts with dark, desirous eyes. Aji-spiced corazon-on-a-stick is heartmeat, a rubbery, smooth, black delight, three stickfuls for a single dollar, washed down with a yellow Inca Cola, then followed by a furtive Caribe, watch the grey-smoke cloud unfold. A man can get horny for other than sex. 

 

We got back late, exhausted, the monotonous chant ringing in my ears, a cold hole of hunger like a cave in my stomach and there was just cold tomato soup for dinner.

 

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It’s peaceful, tranquil, and dangerously boring here. Today a spiritual master came from Chile to spread his benedictions, but I could not be asked to sit through his lectures. I skipped silently through the potato fields, pushing aside the dark earth, and tramped my way up to the main road, where cars whizzed by me, their honks vigorous and mean. All my underwear is dirty and unusable, all have been worn at least four days apiece and must officially be burned or at the very least washed by someone who is not me. I must leave here . . . but to go where? The money is a horrible problem.

 

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June 18th, 2009

When Money Gets Tight, I Turn to Hare Om.

Been in South America for three months now, and as of late I´m hovering near the thousand dollar mark - which means it´s time to hit the panic button. Or, it´s time to start doing weird things which cost almost no money.

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In past travels,  I´ve been able to make my way quite affordably by living at yoga centers and/or working on organic farms. I spent three weeks at the Kripalu Center for Health and Yoga in the winter of 2006, and gained a lot of sanity in the process. Not to mention I kicked it with great people eating amazing food and falling in love with a skinny ayurvedic black-haired raven delight for the grand total of like fifty bucks all said and done.

Later that same year I spent a month at the Salt Spring Center of Yoga and washed my share of floors, stacked my share of firewood, took my share of midnight naked saunas in the British Colombia October rain.

I’ve worked on organic farms in Israel, Italy, Laos and New Zealand.  Every experience was a fresh and delicious one. Work-exchange is a great way to see cultures, make odd friends, eat live foods, and see, taste, and smell and fart in real nature.

It is also an excellent way to meet Peruvian Hare Krishnas, in this weird incarnation I call my 32nd year of life.

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 . . . I found this place, which is called “Eco-Truly”, on-line when I punched in “Peru” and “organic farm” (or, it might have been “peru volunteer yoga”, I can´t remember) . . . and it didn´t say a single thing about “you will get up at 6:00 in the cold drizzle and eat potatoes while odd men dressed in orange gallavant about muttering “hare bo!” and “hare om!” in the most pleasant way possible and you will grin and bear it and in fact enjoy it, knowing that there is no fucking way on god’s green earth that while using your pitiful little Spanish you could explain that seven years ago today you were  moving your corduroyed porno possessions into a 12-room mansion in the Malibu sunshine hills and readying yourself to reap the benefits of a different kind of subculture, yet one no less dedicated to baffling group-think and weird customology. . .

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The architecture here is baffling and beautiful . . . we are in some sort of arid desert region that is also by some weird stroke of luck by the beach, which is to say we´re in Huaral, or Aucallama, or some town that is one hour north of Lima as the crow flies, winding dusty desert roads that dropped me off with my backpack and shoulderbag and a pile of dirty laundry and bit of white soap in a plastic sac into this freakish oasis wherein old Peruvian troubadors from the hills came to work the fields and craft insanely textured round buildings which shoot up your meditative energies straight to Krishna, if that´s what you like to do.

I´m living inside of one of these weird tunnels, having solid black sleepy dreams, sitting by myself in the cold mysto-dark on a hardis mattress thinking about girls and time gone by. There´s much quiet in the ashram, a quiet only disturbed by the dinging of a bell that tells us it´s time to eat potatoes - again.

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Last night two women, wearing orange robes with noses painted white, dots on the center of their forehead, opening up to god, entertained around the campfire, late at night. Two women from Spain. They played a guitar and an accordian lovingly. I had never heard an accordian that sounded good before last night. The Spanish Catalan voices and the orange spark glowing embers, in the background the roll of the beach, waves crashing against the shore.

And I was freezing but I couldn´t leave because their voices sounded so thick and swollen with joyful death and in the space of three days I had not known either of these rather serious women to smile but last night while the darker-haired of the two played guitar she would not stop smiling and while the silkener-haired of the two pushed the folds of her accordian together she would not stop smiling. They sat fifteen feet apart and the fire separated them from one another, but they shared something between them. I stumbled off to bed and thought about them both for a long time until my scratchy blanket turned soft on me and I was asleep.

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They expect four good hours of out of me of work every day, and I will give that willingly. We are building some sort of chicken-coop roof. I am not exactly sure what it is going to be, to be honest. But I am not much for construction. I am not much for hammering, gardening, painting, cooking, or listening to informational talks about Hare Om in Spanish. I am more into wandering, walking, sitting by myself, and feeling the mysterious desert breeze. But I am working on this chicken coop roof with two new compadres, one 34 years old and handsome, with the paint of Krishna on his face, the other 50 and tiny and skinny and rat-like complete with the whiskers, a good man from Lima who is not one of them. He is here to escape something and be somewhere safe, like me. We are working on this coop roof every morning for four hourse. And to be honest I´m starting to care about how level it falls.

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This whole trip I´ve been keeping to myself,  sitting in rooms that have as few people as possible, sticking my head behind a computer . . . I’ve not tried to flex my Spanish skills and neither have I made too many friends. The friends I’ve made were drunken Irishmen with indecipherable wild eyes and honeyhaired English girls from Essex and Nottingshire and Israelis smoking Caribes eating ceviche on broken beds. This is my first taste of really traveling, getting to know a singular strange culture, and I have to admit that I’m digging it. I feel alive, for the first time in a very long time.

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I am heading to Pisco in one week, to volunteer in a spot that was hard hit by a 2007 earthquake. More construction, I will share my neglible talents. But I gather that they can use all the grunts who want to be there.  Bad food, cold weather, stale sweat: I will taste of you. Hare Om.

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April 21st, 2009

Embracing the Cliché I Embody

I don’t think I’ve commented too extensively about the particulars of running this whole operation from South America. And to be quite honest, I don’t exactly have a truly concrete reason for being here, apart from it feeling like the perfect, cliched thing to do.

I didn’t come to Colombia to promote this book, really; it’s just something that’s developed since I’ve been over here. I came over here to work, not in writing and certainly not in porn. I had a limited-contract employment in Cartagena for one month, and only then did it seem feasible that I might be able to make this project come to some sort of fruition.

Since meeting my marketing guru and project manager Shane and beginning to work with him in late March, this thing has come a long way. Notably, we’ve added a surprising number of personnel to our staff. Shane’s brought aboard a web technology expert, and a design superstar, both of whom will be working to make the site and the book look flawless and enticing.

For someone who’s so used to doing absolutely everythin (very much to a fault) in his creative life by himself, it’s absolutely flabbergasting to suddenly be part of a “team,” the stated purpose of which is to improve and ultimately bring success to a book that I wrote . . .

I love it! I absolutely love it.

And yet none of this can keep me from realizing that I’m being a fucking cliche over here in Colombia. Maybe it’s not Paris of the 1920’s, but the concept of being a writer-expatriate is as well-worn as the very idea of “finding yourself,” or serving your country as a foot soldier in some noble battalion . . .

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April 9th, 2009

Pleasant Misanthrope

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April 5th, 2009

Terrible HOT in TAGANGA

No breeze is blowing, but I’m in the shade. And in the heat of the Colombian day I’ve got nothing to do but consider my marketing strategy for getting this book up off the ground, and directly into the hands of a public desperate for a porno-style adventure story.

The bad news: in the past, I have considered myself the worst salesman in the world. The good news is, I have considered the alternative (not selling); and in all incarnations of my fantasies, it leads to me waiting tables for a living. A noble profession, I suppose, but not for me, due to the fact that I am BAD at food service. I am bad at so many things. Teaching. Singing. Washing things. No, I cannot do many things professionally; thus, the incentive for me to suddenly get GOOD at selling things, principally, this book, is high indeed.

But the real piece of good news is that I have teamed up with a very savvy marketer. I’ll call him a MARKETING GURU, to use a modern-day (and rather gay) term. His name is Shane and he’s a GODDAMN GENIUS, to use a more specific designation. Ole Shane has got a certain ability to think outside the box: and let me share with you an idea he hit me with.

Sam -

Something to consider as background to our next conversation.  Not that I’m advocating you do something like this, but an interesting idea:

http://blog.wired.com/underwire/2009/03/sold-mini-golf.html

Josh Freese, the Devo drummer whose wildly creative “freemium” packages drew widespread attention to his new record, is raking in the cash as buyers snap up his inventive, value-added deals.

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April 3rd, 2009

Alive in Taganga

So here it begins. With me sitting in the antechamber of a dimly lit hostel in Taganga, Colombia, tapping away at my computer while outside the sun is setting and dipping in the sky, while a big-ass lunky Swede asks the woman behind the desk sweetly for a cup of coffee. Because of the heat I am not wearing a shirt and thusly, deranged Latino mosquitoes are biting the hell out of my lower back and elbows. But none of that matters right now. ‘Cuz I’m a man on a mission.

About three years ago I set out to write a book about the most exciting and idiotic period of my entire life: my multi-year venture into the muck and filth of the sepulchrous sinkhole some call the titty industry: ie, Porno. It was a grand time marked by incredible naivete, unceasing horniness (hey, I was 24), and an unbelievable, seemingly bottomless supply of brassy, boastful, mildly maniacal supporting characters who couldn’t have been more ripe for parody had they been sent directly to my desk from casting central.

In retrospect, writing a book about my personal journey in porn was the EASY part. . .

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