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January 14th, 2010

Porn in Recession: America in Decline

Read this article in its original form at SexIs Magazine
January 13, 2010

Porn in Recession: America in Decline

The recession is upon us; no one sane would dare doubt it. The auto industry’s long since moved overseas, and despite government bailouts, no one in their right mind would buy a Ford. Pilots are working longer hours for 50% pay; 127 banks have failed. But are industries we previously thought to be recession-proof feeling the punch too? If porno fails, says the soothsayer, the nation fails…

From Tout Suite to the Tubes

I worked steadily through the post-9/11 recession of 2001-2002 as an adult film director for one of the first great earners of the web-porn revolution, blacksonblondes.com, and as a cameraman on many mainstream high-budget porn movies. Neither I nor the actors I shot ever seemed to feel the belt tighten appreciably. I went to Hawaii on a whim, and called it my right; every working actress in the game worth her salt roared up to her shoots in an elaborately expensive ride.

Things are different now.

Porn agent Mark Spiegler reports from the San Fernando Valley that nearly all of the actresses he represents are working less in adult film. “There are simply less shoots to go around. My girls are A-listers, so they still make a good living. But they’re out there less, certainly.”

Porn director Billy Watson of manojob.com agrees. “I voluntarily took a pay cut. I felt like I sort of had to. I’m paying my actors less. I’m paying them less often. I want to make sure the ship stays afloat.”

David Gross, a producer for Vantage Video, also confirmed that the recession has taken its toll on an industry once famous for overpaying its participants. “Absolutely, I pay my performers and directors less. You have to make some cuts, or find a new job.”

One natural result of the economic hardship? More competition for performing roles.

“You just can’t be a prima donna anymore,” says Gross. “There are too many people out there looking for a job.”

Spiegler was cross-over starlet Sasha Grey’s original agent, and he supports Gross’s sentiments. “There are more girls in this business now than at any time since I’ve been around, which is since 1995. They grow up watching porn, I guess, so it’s less of a big deal to them. So we got less productions but more actors. It’s crazy.”

“Vivid’s shooting less,” says Spiegler. “Red Light District is shooting less. I used to bring my new actresses over to Red Light to meet all the directors; they were shooting 10 movies a week. It’s just not the same anymore.”

To compound the adult film industry’s financial woes, the proliferation of a great number of “tube” sites, from which surfers can view unlimited free samples of porn movies ranging from anywhere from 30 seconds to entire hour-long clips, have drained monies from the pockets of porn producers. According to current Alexa ratings, PornHub, YouPorn, and Tube8—all tube sites, are among the top 75 trafficked sites on the internet.

“The stuff that’s on the tube sites is better and more varied than the stuff he used to pay $30 a month for,” admits Billy Watson. “There’s no codecs, there’s no download. Admittedly, it’s hard for the consumer to do better than that.”

A veteran employee for a porno shop called “Maxx’s Adult Emporium,” located in Durham, North Carolina, echoes Watson’s concern. “Used to be, on a rainy day, we could have between 10 and 15 guys back in the booths, and plenty walking around the store,” says Barry L., a good-looking black man in his mid-thirties. “But nowadays you don’t have near half the business you used to. How could I tell the economy went bad? When I noticed the construction workers weren’t coming in anymore.”

But is the adult industry in danger of grinding to a halt?

“Absolutely not,” says Gross. “The tubes are definitely bringing down the industry, but they’re not killing it. The trick is to evolve. You constantly have to be changing. I do lots of work with niches. I do hidden-camera…smoking fetish…Hidden-MILF. People are devoted to their niche, whatever it may be.”

Billy Watson feels similarly. “I’m actually having the best months I’ve ever had. I shoot handjobs exclusively, and believe it or not, there are people out there who love the stuff. And you know, you can’t really get a lot of good handjob content on the tube sites, thank God. So my fan base keeps coming back.”

Mark Spiegler seems relatively unworried about the perils facing the porn industry, too. “I represent very talented women. They’re always going to be in demand, even if they’re not working seven days a week, like they used to. I tell them, maybe that’s a good thing. They shouldn’t be working seven days a week in the first place.”

What will become of the sex industry, then? Like the auto, airline, and banking industries, porn has seen a large-scale cutback in growth over the last few years, and the future seems to promise only more trimming of the fat. More stringent demands will surely be made of the performers, as they are asked to do more with less: economy-sized bottles of lube may become the rule, perhaps. Hand towels will certainly be shared. Habitually-late actresses may find themselves ignored, instead of coddled; and sleazy directors expecting clandestine nose-nuzzles in the bathroom may find their shenanigans are no longer tolerated. Yes, the game is changing. Money, as always, is stirring the pot.

But porn has never been for the faint of heart, and wily performers will always find a way to survive. Tara Lynn Foxx, a current mainstream porn star, 19 years old and wise beyond her years, is a case in point. With nearly a year of experience under her belt, she is markedly cynical about an industry that she says “has its fair share of douchebags.”

“The money was really good when I started. Now it’s not as good. California is all fucked up, and the economy has really affected porn. Still, I’m definitely making more than the average person. What they make in a week, I make in a day.”

Foxx has been baring it all in adult videos for just over nine months. “February was my first month,” she remembers. “But I peaked in May. When things were good, I was working 15 days a month—and some of those days were double-booked. A thousand bucks is the average these days for a boy-girl,” she says, “so that’s a lot of money, if you do the math.”

But as porn sales have dropped, the demand for Foxx to appear on camera has also fallen. “I’m still making good money—it’s just not ginormous amounts of money,” she says, laughing. “My timing is bad. My agent, who has been in this business for half my life, says that five years ago, I would have been making two or three thousand dollars a scene. And that’s like insane, ridiculous, out of the question now.”

But Foxx reminds me that there’s always more than one way to skin a cat. “The easy way to fill the holes in your schedule is to become a makeup artist. You’ve already shot with the directors, you know everybody, and you can get jobs. Of course,” she admits, “makeup artists are being cut, too.

“Then there’s web-camming,” she says. “And your personal site. Personal sites don’t really do that well. You can make anywhere from a thousand to ten thousand dollars per month off your site, depending on how much work you put into it—but it’s something.”

Foxx pauses, considering. “Then I guess there’s feature dancing. Actually, you can make more money doing that sometimes than you can from porn. You get paid for every set you do, and most girls do three sets a night. You sell your merchandise, and you do private dances with their fans. Then you get tips, so add it all up, and porn stars make a lot of money being a stripper. It’s sick.”

The speakers are different, but the message remains the same: Diversify. Be creative. Think outside the box.

“You’d be surprised, but it’s our booths that actually keep us in business,” Barry of Maxx’s Adult Emporium declares. “The video rooms accumulate more money than the video sales.”

I ask him how much the video rooms cost to rent. He answers swiftly, “One dollar will get you four minutes.” I say that sounds like a pretty fair deal.

“Five dollars will get you 24,” says Barry, grinning. He leans back against the counter of Maxx’s surveys the store’s treasures, its videos in large cases, the mountains of purplish dildos stacked up beside gleaming vibrators. “A little bonus time.”

This piece was originally published in SexIs Magazine.

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December 4th, 2009

Belladonna, Part Two

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Part two of my hour-long interview with Belladonna.

For those who don’t know her work, Belladonna, 21 years old at the time of this interview (fall 2002), has worked in porn since the age of 18. Apart from a short hiatus in 2004 when she got pregnant and eventually birthed a li’l baby girl (Myla), she seems to have worked more or less constantly in the industry, becoming a director in 2002 and beginning her own company, Belladonna Entertainment, in 2005. Like Nina Hartley, she’s a lifer, and our porn-lives are vastly enriched for her participation.

This is an interesting clip from Wikipedia, commenting on Bella’s Primetime Live interview in 2002 (the footage was taken before she did the interview with me, but aired AFTER she and did our interview, which is significant.)

Her career in the pornography business was followed for two years by a crew from ABC Television, culminating in a January 2003 interview with Diane Sawyer as part of a Primetime Thursday segment on pornography.[8] At one point in the interview Belladonna broke down in tears.[8] Following its broadcast Belladonna condemned what she described as unfair treatment by Sawyer and the ABC staffers, saying the segment had portrayed her as a victim and that the interview was edited[11] to convey the misleading impression that she had been forced to perform against her will. One topic discussed in the interview was the fact that she had contracted the STD chlamydia.[12] The publicity provided by the interview boosted Belladonna’s career.[8]

The interview has since been used by a number of anti-pornography groups to support their case that pornography is exploitative of the women who appear in it; nevertheless, Sinclair remains an active performer in the industry. In later interviews, Sinclair claimed that she had never intended to make “anti-porn” statements, and that Primetime had deliberately taken many of her statements out of context to give the segment a negative slant.[2] In one interview, when she was asked if she was happy how the interview came out, her reply was:

“ I am not happy about Primetime but I would love to see the whole story air one day so everyone can see how much I had to say that was FOR the porn industry. If you know me you know that I LOVED shooting![2] ”

ABC contacted her once to do a follow-up to the interview; she refused saying, “No thank you. I don’t want to be embarrassed again.”[7]

Here’s Bella’s interview on Primetime Live:

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and part two:

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Stark contrast between the two interviews, huh? If you watch Bella and take note of how she is when I spoke to her, you can see that she’s a happy, smart woman in control of her life. I don’t doubt that porn is exploitative and dangerous in some ways. But Diane Sawyer is just a lying pig.

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December 3rd, 2009

The Magnificent Belladonna

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Here’s a gem from the vault! I interviewed Bella in September of 2002, after having shot her a couple of times for blacksonblondes and having realized what a special and unique individual she was. I watched the whole hour-long interview last night, and it really stood the test of time. It’s crazy to look back and see what’s happened in the seven years since the we spoke - I think she would be surprised herself to hear some of the things she said! Out of all the people in porn who I met over the years, there was just something absolutely magical about Belladonna. It’s a sentiment that I’ve heard from many, many people. I haven’t been able to put my finger on it the whole time I’ve known her - what do you think? What is it about Bella, that makes her Bella?

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December 2nd, 2009

Cool Married Gay: Mark Allen

As some of you know, I often write for a site called Cool Married Guy. It’s run by a good friend of mine who advises today’s modern man on things like fashion, relationships, and respecting your partner. He does a great job at it, and it’s inspiring to see how excited he is to be around his wife, and how important he feels it is that you feel the same about whomever you make the move to be with.

In response, I decided to create a feature called “Cool Married Gay,” partially because I know marriage is a state of mind, not dependent on man/woman dynamics but rather on person/person, but also because deep down in my heart I sometimes wonder, would it be easier to get along with a guy for the rest of your life? Do same-sex couples have it better, in some way?

What follows is my interview with Mark Allen, the best friend I’ve ever had who I’ve never met in real life, nor even spoken with on the phone. We made our acquaintance nearly ten years ago, when we both had websites that were mildly exhibitionistic and totally full of young man’s enthusiasm. Mark’s a writer, artist, and professional badass weirdo, so I always held him close to my gay-loving heart. Let’s begin.

SAM: So, first off, are you married?

Not officially.

SAM: Is it legal where you live?

You know, I have no idea.

SAM: I’ve been trying to keep up with the national debate, but it seems to change all the time!

Ditto, hence my not even knowing what the legal status of it is in New York, this week.

SAM: How long have you been with Jim, anyway?

Eight years.

SAM: What does Jim do and what do you do?

When I first met Jim he played banjo and sang in a very successful bluegrass band, Jim & Jennie & the Pinetops, and also had an erotic cake business in Manhattan called Masturbakers. He had a criminally insane sense of humor and this killer smile. How could I possibly resist? I was a kind of post-nightclub casualty who had a show on WFMU, and wrote for The New York Times and NPR, but couldn’t pay his rent. We both had these kind of scrappy, inside/out relationships with mainstream culture…not to mention gay culture. That’s a real draw when you’re aligned between those stratums and you’re in your 30’s (we’re also less than a year apart in age). We just connected right away.

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While talking on our first date we realized we’d been right in front of each other once in the same room in ‘96, in a kind of ritualistic way. Before his bluegrass conversion Jim was in this bizarre art/punk band called Fagbash. They’d come to the club Squeezebox in NYC, from San Francisco (where he lived at the time) and I’d gone to see them. I stood right in front of the stage and watched their show—a blur of chaotic clatter—in total confusion, unaware my future husband was up there pounding the drums and screaming his head off. We’d meet for real about 8 years later.

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Sam…these two “EARLY YEARS” photos of us I thought could correspond to where I’m talking about before we knew each other. These are both us mid-90’s, and kind of represent us at the time. Living without being aware of one another. Hans Fahrmeyer is the photo credit for the photo of me.

Jim is now a celebrated artist—he’s part of an upcoming show at Tate Modern—and is still very much bluegrass & old tyme musician, and collects banjos. I’m still a published writer and sometimes still a radio guy. I just finished my first screenplay, and have recently climbed some other writing hurdles. We also both do handiwork where we currently live to supplement our income and help make ends meet. A few years ago, we left the city, adopted a cat named Noodles, and moved into this old house in upstate New York (where ex-NYC hippe/musician/actor/artist/ writer/club types go to die…and we’re not dead yet!)

We just found each other. We’re both life-long slobs and ex-hippies who were never really hippies. We help each other a lot. We change, but also don’t change. I can’t figure out which of each of our habits the other has enabled or helped break, but I don’t think I should bean-count that stuff after all this time. I’d had a lot of boyfriends in the years I’d lived in NYC up to the point I met Jim, several relationships, whatever, but none that lasted more than six months. After we’d gone out six months I was real cold and told Jim “Well, I think we should break up.” I think it was this internal clock thing going off in me. You know, this is how long a relationships is supposed to last for me. A habit. He was taken aback and alienated. But we remained friends. Then a few months later—he was very sly about this—he invited me to see his band perform at Mercury Lounge, which was right near where I lived in NYC. So I get there and I’m standing right at the front of the stage and suddenly he comes out on stage alone, before his band, and he’s holding his guitar and sipping a beer, and the stage lights go on behind him and he’s smiling this killer smile, and the crowd there starts chanting “Jim! Jim!” And I’m staring up at this gorgeous guy who has this God-like presence and I was thinking “Now, why did I kick this amazingly perfect entity out of my life?” And so, I went craaaawwling back to him. Then we went out longer, and longer. Before you know it’s eight years later and we’re living in a house upstate and I’m spending Saturdays weeding the pachysandras.
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SAM: Some gay guys (the artistic types, of which I’d count you) often are “against marriage” - I think the idea is that it will make gays as boring as the rest of us? Where do you stand on this?

I was a serious gay activist in my earliest years in New York City (in ACT UP and Queer Nation) so I obviously have a squirrelly, “arm chair-cynic” relationship with current day gay activists. A lot of my poo poo-ing of them, and the gay marriage fight, may be coming from, let’s face it: old age. But that cynicism also comes from a learned desire to see younger gay generations fighting back or rebelling at all in the world. There was such a famine of metal activity in the visible gay population during the period from the late 90’s to the mid 00’s, like a shallow black hole of celebrity culture worshiping, all that expensive fashion status-label worshiping, all those dumb GLAAD-drained zombie characters on sitcoms and stuff. It was really just the worst possible reality. And this was during the Bush years!

For me personally—and I’m sure this is different for everyone—the surprise turning point was all those protests that sprouted up all over the country during the first Proposition 8 thing. In 2008 I think? For me, that was the first time since the early 90’s that there seemed to be something very real coming out of these gay people, who were mostly young. Even if the demos were contextually disorganized and confusing, they seemed substantive…there were significantly large numbers, overnight. My point being: even if I’m rolling my eyes at the specific cause, I’m always supportive of gay activism in the larger sense, if it’s genuine. It’s like being supportive of troops.

You just don’t want to see your brothers and sisters end up like the Italian Jewish family in Giorgio Bassani’s The Garden of the Finzi-Continis…post-prosperity automatons acting all cordial and polite, afraid to make waves as the fascist right has slowly taken over and has come to collect them. You want to see some sort of reaction to being attacked, coming from internally.

Are we still talking about gay marriage? Haha…I guess my goal in pointing all this out is that some people (but not all) assume that all gay people are aligned on political issues. There’s a lot of difference of opinion there, a lot of point of view, and contrasting priorities.

The modern gay marriage fight in America is just something that’s never solidified in my mind. I can’t get past the stage of rolling my eyes and wanting to change the subject to something more interesting. It’s like trying to win over your great-grandparents. My bottom line: I like to live by my own rules, and I don’t want to fight for the opportunity to have to rely on more authority figures. The money spent on a ring is just wasted disposable income as far as I’m concerned. Of course, the pro-gay marriage side see it as the reverse of all of this, but there you go. My partner and I were born gay, but us being in a committed relationship is our choice. Jim actually lived in New Paltz, NY when the first inklings of the current gay marriage fight were happening with Mayor Jason West. Remember that? Around 2004? We drove by main street when the gay activists were having some massive ceremony by some church, all the media there filming them. And we were like “Eww, what NERDS!” Our feelings haven’t changed much.

SAM: Do you think sexual choice is necessarily political?

Like most people, I believe sexual orientation is a combination of nature and environment, with a very heavy emphasis on the former. And yes, it’s very politically charged, which is something gay people have to deal with their whole lives whether they want to or not.

SAM: Sometimes they say that Men are From Mars , Women are From Venus. Well, you and JIm are both from Mars - does that make things always easy?

Hmm, I think you’re onto something here, Sam.

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SAM: What are the things that you and Jim share and totally connect on?

Our outlook on the world. Our appreciation of culture. Our sense of humor, mostly, and lack of seriousness about most things. We never run out of things to talk about when it comes to the things that excite us or make us laugh. We talk to each other in “retarded” voices or “deaf people” voices, and are proud about how that horrifies certain people. We’re so lucky. We connect on things psychically without having to say anything to one another, which means we can coast along side each another without a lot of fuss or explanation. After we’d been together one year, on my birthday he surprised me with this hand made cake:

http://www.markallencam.com/poopybirthdaycake.jpg
The fact that he did something that hysterically crass without prompting from me, and presented it with a proud smile, knowing I’d love it and would burst out laughing, which I did, says it all. I knew we’d be together a long, long time.

Physically, he has this really handsome face that’s my achilees heel. A great profile, great nose and this killer smile that he kind of controls everyone with. Nobody can resisit it! I can’t stay mad at him, because he just walks into the room and smiles and your circuits just blow. A few weeks ago there was a tense moment where we’d just had a fight about something rediculous, and we both stormed away from each other. And he came in later holding a chicken pot pie for dinner (for one…none for me) and this adorably threatening “don’t talk to me” but also needly, helpless, unhappy look in his eyes. And no smile. And it’s like I started doing everything I could to get that smile back. Sacrifice, even! Because I couldn’t stand that I’d made it leave, and why. He needed me! I needed him! Something worked there.

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We counter each other in ways I don’t think we’re even aware of, perhaps even competitively. In the larger sense, I suppose gay male relationships are curious from a heterosexual male point of view. For example: for a gay man, when it comes to guys you’re interested in sexually only—which becomes a challenge, to win them over—you’re drawn to the persona that’s reflected in their appearance, which is a quick-fix perception by design. But with a guy who you’re looking at as a life partner, it’s obviously their whole package; their appearance, their thoughts, their reactions to things and motivations, the way they seem to impact the world and people around them, or seem to have the potential too. They earn your respect. You watch them interacting with the world when you know they don’t know they’re watching, and you’re impressed with thier ambition, plus the shape of the back of their neck. Stuff like that.

With men relating to men, in whatever context, there’s a kind of preternatural competitive element, a kind of admiration. I’d imagine that’s similar to how women look at men in heterosexual relationships, they might be looking for similar qualities, but those that they relate to being a good provider. And I know that probably most heterosexual men have these kinds of thoughts at one time in their life or another, about a male best friend they had or a male friend they’ve liked or admired, there’s this brief thought of “I could be this guy’s lover if I were gay.” but they aren’t wired that way so the sexual idea usually cancels it out. I’ve certainly thought that about a woman or two I’ve known in my life, but then the thought of her boobs and stuff makes it like “Eh, no thanks.” Homosexual relationships combine all these elements. I mean there’s some trade-off there, heterosexual romantic relationships offer profoundly rich qualities that same-sex couples will never experience. But it goes go both ways.

SAM: Alternately, what does Jim do that you find totally alien? What do you do that makes him retreat into the next room with a horrified look on his face?

I wish he was neater and more organized, and more on-the-ball and strategic in his day-to-day, sometimes. Just sometimes. He sees this as controlling, whereas I see it as simply logical. On the other hand, he wishes I would relax and not explode when little things don’t go my way, which I see as being lazy. He wishes I wasn’t so cold sometimes. He probably also wishes I’d socialize more and not be such a hermit, sometimes. Sometimes. I always find myself in these petty, negative mental, loop-de-loops whenever he does something that frustrates me. These kinds of things never really resolve themselves. People never really do change, when it comes to little things like that. But every once in a while you’ll somehow glimpse a larger perspective and, yeah, you realize we actually are kind of playing off each other’s strengths and weaknesses, a kind of double unit, a team. I think if each of your own personal pet peeves end up forming a kind of ying/yang, you’re very lucky.

Private space is very important for both us in different ways. I know I’ve seen Jim figure out how to respect this for me, which means the world. Playing banjos constantly is important to Jim, even though it’s ear-splitting and nerve-rattling (even though I do enjoy bluegrass) I allow him to do this all he likes and do everything I can think to stay out of his creative flow.
Trust is a big issue, that you kind of…work through. It’s multi-layered. It’s kind of this mobius-strip process you keep coming back to again and again. Jim is German/Dutch, and a big guy. He can be very possessive and jealous, or seem to be. It took us a while to get past this whole thing where he’d act like Dr. Freeze around my gay friends, giving people the hairy-eyeball and trying to figure out who I’d slept with in the past. In turn I had to learn not to be critical and condescending to his many female friends since, as a gay man, I’m a natural misogynist! Actually, those things only happened a time or two. The point is we caught ourselves doing these things, whether it was the other one pointing it out, or self-reflection, or whatnot, through that learning we eventually began to respect each other’s borders. Now, a cynical question is; was it that or did we figure out how to pull the wool over each other’s eyes? Who knows. But there you go…you learn to trust each other so you’re betting on that it’s the former, on the whole.

Now we’re to the point where we can admire other men openly, like movie stars or guys on the street. That was a big step, and was thin-ice territory for a long time. We can be like “Oh that guy is adorable” and “Oh no he’s not, the other one is” and actually have a healthy conversation about it (and I’m sure this is a FAR more complex and tangled hurdle for male/female couples). There are these college-age guys that ride ATVs in the woods behind our house without their shirts. We’re always ogling them and laughing about it, running out there to help them, tripping over our kimonos.

SAM: Now that you’re in a committed relationship, could you ever imagine being single again?

Constantly! I’m imagining right now! No, I joke…but when you’re in a relationship you’re always threatening yourself during moments of stress in the bond with “I gotta get out of this!” I think that kind of mental process is an important element in whatever mix it is that always makes you stay. I can’t put my finger on how or why. Being able to stay with Jim means I can laugh when I refer to him as “the ol’ ball-and-chain” or “the Big Lug.” It’s that sitcom cliche: I’ve been with you forever and you drag me down but I love you, so it’s warm and funny. It’s like the way Phyllis Diller always referred to her husband as “Fang” in her classic comedy routine. And we both love Phyllis Diller, so there you go.

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SAM: What’s the one thing about married life that you simply can’t get when you’re single?

Support. Reliable support. Also, instant back rubs or foot massages. Needless to say, the whole …ahem… “burning desire” thing does fade after time, in its own way. We started doing this thing last year where every other day we alternate giving the other a 90 minute foot massage. One day it’s his turn, then two days later it’s mine. It’s usually when we’re watching a DVD or something. Doing it that much, and going back and forth like that, you get really good and intuitive at it, very aware of each other physically. We love it. Sometimes it’s all I look forward to after a hard day. It’s like a whole new sex life! I think it’s probably good for our health. From crass birthday cakes, to support to foot massages. It’s a journey.

SAM: We hear great things in the media and on Six Feet Under about gay couples who are married or the next best thing, but they still occasionally bring home partners for a threesome, thus keeping the blood running hot in their own marriage. Does this apply to you and Jim at all? Or are you sort of traditionally monogamous?

Well, no it doesn’t, we’re monogamous. Are we traditional? Compared to what? There’s this weird thing being a gay guy in NYC, when you enter a long-term, committed relationship you suddenly feel like you’re cheating on every potential trick in the city. It’s like; “Goodbye all you beautiful whores, it’s not you, it me.” Sex-wise, a fag in NYC is like a special-needs child left unsupervised in a candy store; constantly, potentially disastrous. Edgy! Jim and I both had wild pasts. So a committed relationship was kind of like a roller coaster finally pulling into the station for each of us, if that analogy makes sense. It’s like you finally get off, and can think straight, and it feels good to get out and walk around on solid ground. But then of course you eventually get bored and want back on, so…maybe that’s not the best analogy. Eek!

SAM: You are a writer and therefore a solitary wretch by necessity (at least sometimes). Do you have a secret for finding a balance between your work and your partner?

Boy did you just open Pandora’s can of worms. Well, I always go back to that scene in Stanley Kubrick’s The Shining, where Shelley Duvall wanders into that massive room Jack Nicholson is working in, and she’s like “Hi honey, how’s it goin’? Maybe you’ll let me read something sometime!” and then he bites her head off and is all “Whenever you come in here and interrupt me, you’re breaking my concentration. You’re distracting me.” and is a total cretin about it. That scene is OUR SCENE. We’ve lived this so many times. Of course, we all know how that movie ended.

But things I do drive Jim bananas, and I’ll be staring at him all doe-eyed like “What could possibly be wrong, honey?” as he’s biting his upper lip off in a rage. It’s difficult to put yourself in the shoes of someone who’s screaming at you for driving them crazy, without getting all shouty-crackers yourself. And also you realize as it goes on and on that maybe you’re using some of it as an excuse for your own inadequacies, which is a kind of peaceful turning point (that you of course never let the other one in on…shh!) But with repeated beat-downs we’ve learned when to leave each other well enough alone. Oh, by the way, I got these bruises falling down the stairs. Yeah, again, I know…I’m such a klutz.

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Photo: Amy Kellner

SAM: Like a lot of couples, do you go out on dates with other couples? Does this make you feel like a yuppie when it happens? Are you more likely to go out with other gay couples, or with a male-female couple?

Jim has more straight friends than I do. And oh yeah, going out with other couples straight or gay does feel so “adult.” I really don’t notice the difference between the straight and gay ones, it’s a blur. I’m still shocked by the casually accepting attitude towards gay couples that young people have today. They just don’t care, in the most literal sense.

SAM: What is the greatest thing about Jim, that you could never find with anyone else in the world?

Specifically? If I had to chose one trait I’d say his kindness. He’s the one person in the world who’s arms I can always run to. And I like to think I’m the same for him. Overall, he’s just a big lug that I love very much.

SAM: How about YOU: what’s beautiful about You?

Not my toes.


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October 15th, 2009

Review of “Foreplay Music: Music to Make Love To”

My gig as reviewer at Edenfantasys caught me a wee bit off guard last week. Basically the guys over there, who are super cool, were like, “Sam, whatever you want to review is fine with us.”

“Whatever I want to review?”

“Yes,” they repeated. “Whatever.”

They have a pretty enormous catalog at EF, which includes not only movies, but toys and book and CDs and everything that you could think of that’s sex-related. My last review was of a movie, so I figured I’d get sort of “creative” and review one of their audio materials. I have a long-standing interest in audio; and also, I like fucking; so I thought I’d be well-prepared for a li’l CD coming straight-of-out-Georgia in 2005, called “Music To Make Love To.”

muz

Oh, how I was wrong. I was assaulted from the jump, beginning with the cover art of the CD. Now, not to be niggling or whatever, ’cause some cover art represents the music contained therein a bit over-accurately, and some cover art talks down to its viewers, and essentially in the end it shouldn’t much matter. But this bad boy takes it to a new level. Basically it’s just walloping you over the head with a petal-flavored clitoris. Georgia O’Keefe would blush if she saw that erect little mama coming towards her.

Now for the music. You are probably going to want to put some headphones on before getting into this baby:

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That was called “Waves of Ecstasy.” Pretty embarrassing, huh? I want to know all about Suzie Johnson (co-writer) and Danny Jones (arranger, producer, recorder) and the way they get down. (Number one, are they “making love” to one other? Did “sparks fly” in the studio?) Now, either they are very cynical, and they think they can put one over on some unsuspecting customers by creating the latest in new age nut-cheese and labeling it “audio erotica,” or they actually do think that madness is sexy, which makes me believe that they want to create some mental picture of a Hawaiian Luau Orgy with tons of sex-positive anal lubricant and then a frank, open discussion afterwards about the virtues of taking a bath with your cat watching you.

Look: I know music is subjective, and everybody likes something different. My old girlfriend liked to fuck to Nirvana. I thought that was sort of strange. A little too agressive for me. So what? I indulged her. And I’m glad I did. This is my main point: sex-positivity and new age music (not collapsing those two things; they are separate and distinct categories, I know) have awful reputations already. Both are well-meaning genres; and this well-meaningness often comes across as a kind of mental sogginess, a sputtering goo that hardy Republican shitheads characterize as “bleeding-heart” and smart cynics just sneer at. We must not give these people further ammunition to laugh at us.

I’m a sex-positive man through and through - or at least, I’m trying to be. There’s evil in me; but there’s evil in everyone, and that’s the thing. Sex-positivity is going to have to acknowledge the blackness and the foulness if it’s going to get to the next level. It must come to terms with the regular, crass, boring, workaday rigid boner that’s carried around by the most-well-meaning and the friendliest dudes among us.

The enemy is not aggression or hostility. The enemy is fake positivity: fake happiness, fake laughter, fake sensuality, and fake compassion. There’s simply nothing worse out there. I’d rather hang out with Bill O’Reilly and get an earful of his backwards dogma, because at least he’s not trying to snow me. This whole Jamaican Beach Luau with steel drums pulsating and coconut oil smeared on a seventeen-year old teen pig in “Waves of Ecstasy” is a lie, and that gets me angry. It gets me angry because it’s co-opting something rather special. Sex is special. Sex with someone you love is sacred. Waves of actual ecstasy are rare and wondrous things. True sadness, real emotion and challenging thoughtfulness is actually the kind of music I’d like to make love to.

But it’s all relative. What music IS great music to make love to? Barry White?

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It’s not my cup of tea, but it’s worked for millions.

product picture
CD by Tantra audio
Genre: Erotic music
Perfomance style: Instrumental
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September 24th, 2009

Guest Writer: A Woman’s Take on the Neurology of Rough Sex

I enjoyed a long discussion with S. last week, a woman in her mid-thirties with a deep relationship with pornography as a viewer. She shared my interest in rough sex, but took issue with my desire to want to explain the interest via early trauma or familial upbringing, ie, the psychoanalytic approach. Some days after we spoke, she sent me this treatise, which was just too interesting not to publish:

last year, i read this quote from a 2008 article on scientific american, and its essence is the heart of sexual dynamics in women and men: “[Orgasm] requires a release of inhibitions engineered by shutdown of the brain’s center of vigilance in both sexes and a widespread neural power failure in females” (here’s the entire article). when i read “widespread neural power failure,” i think i gasped. that is exactly what happens in the female brain during sex. and that phenomenon is the thing i love and loathe best. this is a tough topic to tackle.

my main issue with your point of view re: rough sex is that it does not take neurological impulses into consideration. nurture plays a vital role in all mammalian development (all organisms, actually), but it is not the opposite as nature. nurture and nature, i’ve come to believe, are the same thing. evolution is not a reaction to environment. evolution isn’t even really evolution as we’ve been taught. it’s more of a continuous formula that never, ever hesitates or finds an end solution. “DNA is history, not fate” - picked that up somewhere, and even just looking at the basic structure of a helix, it makes so much sense.

as i’ve gone through the ridiculous and often pointless journey that is art skool, i’ve had too much solo time to think about my intentions, and to feed my brain audibooks on neuroscience and medicine, which have quickly become strong obsessions. i’ve got old sob stories and hence many experiences with psychology, analysis and various kinds of shrinks - i’ve literally exhausted psychiatric resources to help understand how to navigate the manic impulse that is my brain, an endeavor that has included much off-road shit like body work, psychics, soul workers, etc. - and although a few answers came about, nothing has made more sense than basic brain neurology. a lot of the art i’m making is saying, i think, that popular psychology and psychiatry and the entire mental health industry are almost entirely off point, and pretty much full of shit. DNA, heredity, genes, compound chemicals and everything else that makes up the still-budding science of neurology are slowly beating freud to death. it brings me great pleasure to watch him die (though i’ve always admired his own sexual obsessions).

how the fuck does this tie into human sexuality? i think my ever-growing theories on this are a little too left-field to be valid. of course i’ve spent more time examining my own sexuality because i have rarely met women who have the same sexual impulses that i have. as i get further into my 30’s, my sex drive just gets stronger. i’ve often wished i could take a pill to calm it down, because the eustress it brings is always overwhelmed by the distress. and it’s the distress that ties back to widespread neural power failure. men wish that women could fuck without emotional attachment; women believe that men cannot fuck without experiencing at least some degree of emotional attachment. the battle between the sexes goes on and on.

i’ll attempt to steer this into a smaller ring of thought. looking at marriage, which is where the majority of people my age end up, and its history is interesting. the notion of romantic love and marriage is a fairly recent phenomenon, and has been pretty good for the human population in terms of procreation. but it has also created a couple generations of emotional basket cases who believe that monogamy is the right, good path to a rewarding life, and a sign of robust mental health.

i had the benefit and disadvantage (same thing?) of coming from a totally broken home, one that was linked to many generations of unhappy unions, and was raised by religiously cynical people. from a very young age, i was discouraged to marry, and both told and shown that marriage destroys sexual health. my mother had and has a crippling, inhibited sexuality, though she did some exploring in her 50’s after she divorced my father. my dad, quite oppositely, has always been a ferociously sexual person, and his aggressiveness is something i believe i inherited. i’ve never been inclined towards shyness when approaching men, and my aggressive sexuality has been a very difficult thing to deal with - especially in the south, which is where i fled when i was 18.

several years ago, i had my blood tested for something - i don’t remember what. my testosterone levels were twice the normal rate in females my age at the time. over the years, i can actually feel my testosterone levels rise. i can identify the sensation of testosterone hitting my bloodstream and traveling to different areas in my brain. i have to shave my face and chest daily, lest i sport a fairly impressive chin and cleavage beard. one of my sisters has the same deal with the hairy factor. the real bitch - the crux of what i struggle with when it comes to sex - is that i also have regular/possibly abnormal levels of estrogen/adrenaline/other gonad hormones that, when combined with the high testosterone, create very intense emotional reactions to sexual behavior. i also can’t make it through the day without a good overdose of dopamine. i have tried for years to segment emotions, to redirect neuro pathways, to replace one activity with something less distressing, and art-making has been the one single thing that can harness this energy. but even as i’m obsessing with a project, my brain is still constantly bombarded with impulses for sex. i can go about 9 months without acting on them, and then i must. fuck. something. or. go. insane.

here’s the thing, though: khan tusion, who i believe shares similar sexual impulses - in that what he’s after is intensity - believes he is seeking an outlet for power, emotional domination, etc. i don’t want power. when i have that kind of power, it has little interest for me because the sport is gone. i want to give that power away and challenge myself or whomever i’m obsessing over at the time with getting it back in the form of obsession. i don’t want to drive a man to suicide, but i do want him to fall in lust with me to the point of breaking. i’ve broken a few in my day, and the subsequent shame is probably the same guilt khan deals with after his own breaking methods. the main difference, i think, is that i cannot prevent myself from breaking in this process. in order to break someone else, i have to let myself break first. this is one of the things i dislike most about being female. if i could enjoy sex without such intense emotional fixations, that would be great. i think. maybe it would suck. the ongoing game obviously has some appeal, because i’ve been playing it since i was a child.

so when i think about this these days, i try to figure out and locate the root of the why. one of my left-field theories is that, based on the intellectual and professional inclinations of my family and my ancestors, we have some serious warrior-DNA circulating through our systems. like, scottish serfdom battle axe grinding killer drinker fuckers. i think we were bred to live short and hard, which may explain my family’s fairly consistent themes of sex, addiction, anger, fighting, working hard and playing even harder. maybe we come from a peoples who were bred for war. there is a strong history of military connections in my family, and i have literally had to stop myself from joining the national guard on multiple occasions.

so - take the above wordiness into account, and then get old-fashioned and take some more popular items into account. i was molested at a young age, exposed to pornography at a young age. but i do not agree with the passiveness of those statements, because i sought them out. my molester was a family member, a good-looking teenaged boy whom i remember flirting with. i deliberately sought out porn magazines when i was like 8 or some shit. and i wanted to watch my first porn so intensely that porn itself has become completely entangled with how my brain handles sexual response. i will always love it. and like you, i want it dirty, honest and challenging.

i guess what i’m saying is that i don’t think i was molested because my molester was a pervert, or because my family life was fucked up, or because i was weak. i think i sought out sexual attention at the age of 5 because i am hardwired to be highly sexual. i understand how the environment in which i was raised affected this wiring, but i do think i could have been born into any caste system in any country and i still would’ve ended up with high levels of testosterone and a pretty ferocious sex drive because of it. i often think i would’ve ended up in porn or some kind of sex work if i’d chosen a large city to escape to, instead of the south. i often think i should do sex work for a living because i’d enjoy it and i’d be pretty good at it if i could train myself to control the estrogen/emotional side of sex. i’ve begun approaching sex as a physical sport, training my body and brain for different kinds of encounters on different levels of emotional attachment, and the results are interesting so far. training works.

this is where i get into judeo-christian cultures of sexuality, and how different cultures have approached sex as sport throughout history, and how sex serves many purposes instead of the most common romantic version we’re raised into in america. the internet’s impact on sexual culture is probably the thing that fascinates me most at the moment. i can’t wait to see how things change as the web becomes older.

i’m not crazy about using my own experiences as the primary demonstration for some of the theories i have, but it’s difficult to find discourse on this topic in this town. this is a difficult place to explore sex period, though it can be done. just lots of prying open minds :).

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August 25th, 2009

Julian St. Jox On Condom Rules

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On August 20th, the LA Times broke a story about the AIDS Healthcare Foundation, who announced plans to sue 16 major adult film companies for violation of workplace-safety laws.

(from the article:) The foundation sued Los Angeles County last month alleging that public health officials had failed to prevent the spread of sexually transmitted diseases and to enforce laws requiring employers to protect workers against exposure to bodily fluids. The suit was filed after the disclosure that an adult-film performer had tested positive for HIV.

Essentially, the lawsuit is about condoms — and whether the companies in the suit are legally required to allow performers the right to use them while performing in adult films.

Here is Julian St. Jox, a veteran porn performer, weighing in on the issue soon after his colleague Darren James came up positive in January of 2004. Jox himself had been forced to take two months off of performing due to having been “on the list” of performers who had taken part in on-camera sex with female actors who in turn had slept with James (before his exposure to the virus had become known to himself and others).

Jox’s statements are not unpredictable - he advocates for each performer’s right to choose to use condoms during their on-camera scenes - but what’s notable is his clear affection and appreciation for the adult industry as a whole. He truly enjoys the work,  friends, and money he’s made in porn - it’s just that he’d rather not put his health on the line to continue to pursue his living.

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August 24th, 2009

Julian St. Jox: On Racism

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August 16th, 2009

Sexy 80’s Vamp, Abortionist-Style

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Lazy Sundays are now officially sponsored by the genius of Everything is Terrible.

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August 15th, 2009

Christina Cicchelli: Interview with a Dominatrix

During my performance at Sex Worker Literati, I noticed a beautiful woman in the audience giving me serious telepathic support. She was nodding, smiling, and laughing at all the crucial moments. Not only did it seems like she wanted me to succeed, it was like she heard the message of my monologue. She understood it.

Afterward, when I went up to her to thank her, I realized why my tale might appeal to her more than the average bear: she was a sex-worker too. Sorta “former,” but more like current, with porno experience on both coasts who mostly made her living as a dominatrix, fetish consultant, sex writer, and all-out cool person. Here’s the story of Christina Cicchelli, aka Simone Valentino.

Christina, I’m interested in interviewing you specifically because you have experience in both the porn world and the dom world. Which came first? I’m assuming the dom stuff - is that right? How did you make the transition to porno? And what was that like?

Honestly, neither of the porn or pro-dom work came first. When I decided to take a leap into the adult industry, I started out as a stripper in Connecticut, which lasted two nights only. I was no good at the poles and the bouncers didn’t approve of my lap dance behavior (mostly grinding my ass into the laps of paying customers… they have to get their money’s worth, right?) So, that was very brief. I tried sending my photos to Fetish websites, all to no avail. Then, I started to get attention from New Jersey pornographers (the shadiest of the bunch, from my observation). I performed an “audition” which was the worst time of my life. To make a long story short, I did everything that a girl shouldn’t do when trying to break into the industry. But, once I dropped out of school and moved to New York City, I took up stripping again, failed at it again, and it was then that I saw an ad in the newspaper for Mistresses at a NYC dungeon. I set up an appointment and spent my first training session watching this beautiful red-haired dom work her large dildo into the ass of a flustered, highly excited British businessman. And I knew I found the job of my dreams. So, to me, my career as a professional dom started there. Later, I answered an inquiry on Craig’s List from a man who was seeking new talent. We talked and he told me that because of my race and my look, I would never be the next Jenna Jameson, which was never my intention. I told him that maybe this is why I should be in porn, because there is no one else like me. We spoke and, through him, I worked at another dungeon (now defunct) and met Joe Gallant, who would eventually film my first porn scene. Unlike my first attempt, when I was finally settled in New York, I was fortunate to have met very positive people who could have taken advantage of my naivety, but didn’t. Everyone enjoyed being in the business, and I couldn’t have asked for a better experience. It was almost like joining a family… who loved whippings and enema art (A reference to Gallant’s artwork).

You’re an NYC woman and a successful professional dom. We had a quick-ass conversation about your trip to Los Angeles where you did a little porn. You never stayed and I can only assume it was not exactly to your liking down there — tell me an LA story from that trip.

Ha! LA was fun, let me kid you not, but most of my enjoyment sprung from the misadventures I had gotten into when I wasn’t trying to land a gig. I also knew that if I wanted to stay in the business, I had to visit the Motherland some time or another. I was still radiating from performing my first anal threesome (and my first porn scene ever!) with Aaralyn Barra and Jeremy Stone. Aaralyn was flying out to LA that morning and asked if I wanted to join her. Of course, I jumped at the chance, but Joe wanted to use me for a scene with Michelle Aston in his apocalyptic porno Avenue X, so I naturally stayed behind (How could one resist?) He and his merry crew of perverts had to travel West to film more scenes, and I was under the impression that I would be performing in these scenes. Lack of communication proved me wrong, so I had flown out with very little money and no work lined up. So, of course, when we arrived I was very stressed because I had to snag a scene and make some cash so I could return home. However, the first week was amazing. Highlights included tripping on shrooms with my girlfriend whilst Joe filmed his group sex scene in the Mojave Desert, sharing sushi with Eon McKai and heading to Dupont’s for two meals a day with Joe, Mariano, Keith, and whomever else decided to join us. Again, a real family affair. But, they had to leave, and I wanted to stay for curiosity’s (and money’s) sake. Joe’s words to me before they departed: “Don’t become a cunt rag.” Crass, I know, but I understood it well. After a week in LA, it felt like no one seemed, well, authentic. Every girl outdid the other in massive tits and bleached hair. Every other guy looked like Sean Michaels (seriously). As a voyeur, it was an incredible landscape and culture to observe. But, as a sex worker, it was soulless. I finally snagged a scene with Dino Bravo, who took me under his wing while I remained in LA. That was fun. But, once I had to make the trips through the windowless buildings of Silicone Valley, take off my clothes, pose for Polaroids, and list my dos and donts like spouting off a grocery list, it all seemed so numbing I had to get back home. At least, in NYC, they wine and dine you a bit. I was glad too.

With Brian Surewood

A lot of the doms I know will not do full-on penetration and stuff, but apparently from what I see from your film work, you will. Was there an intermediary stage with your sex work … i.e., is it part of what you did in your “private practice” to fuck a client every so often? What are your boundaries?

Actually, I kept my dom life and my porn life as separate as I could, which meant that while I would lovingly fuck on film I wouldn’t do so as a dominatrix. You see, during this time, I worked at a fetish dungeon. I respected the rules and didn’t want to get the place busted, so my reputation was kept squeaky clean. Besides, it takes a very intense scene for me to lose so much control that I want to have sex, and that’s only happened once out of my fetish career. I did share a couple of intimate moments with a client, but he was so much fun! Crazy, but fun. And it took me a while to let my defenses down and truly get into the scene that he wanted, which had nothing to do with domination in its traditional sense. For clients who truly loved the BDSM and wanted to worship me as Domme (as they should), there was a sense of power in keeping my distance and prolonging the mystery as much as I could. Which was why it was difficult, at one point, for me to balance being a dominatrix with my porn career. I didn’t want my clients to think that what they see on the television screen was what they would get. Those are two very different worlds. And, they didn’t pay me to be Simone Valentino. They paid me to be Mistress Simone. This was when it was very important to me to strengthen my boundaries. Sex was never on the table. It was never expected, and if I even so much as kissed them on the cheek, then they should be thankful for such a privilege. I could fuck them in the ass if I wanted, but they wouldn’t receive handjobs or blowjobs. If I wanted to get topless, then I could, but that rarely happened during the first sessions I shared with a new client. Quite simply, they submitted to me and my terms. And, if they didn’t like it, then they knew where to go.

The thing that I respect about doms, coming from the basically mindless world of hardcore pornography, is that there’s there seems to be this mental aspect to domination. Tell me all about it. Who are you to them? Why do they want to come to you in particular? Would I like to be dominated, do you think?

Is there not a mental aspect to pornography? Shouldn’t there be? To me, that’s the disheartening aspect of the porn world, and, perhaps, why I enjoyed being a dominatrix so much. In porn, it’s always about sex. Always. Sure, there’s foreplay, there’s toys. But, at the end of the day, it’s about penetration, money shot, and that’s it. After a while, I got bored of the porn scene, and there were only a handful of moments in my brief career in which I shared a moment with an actor and was not only excited by his good looks and temperament, but by his maturity and his intelligence. I don’t know about you, but that’s pretty rare in that industry. Not to say that every Tom, Dick, and Harry that walks through the door of a dungeon is an intellectual. In fact, sometimes - as it is in any part of the adult industry - you’ll have to dominate someone who is boring, straightforward, perverse in an uninteresting way. I remember when Francis and I had spoken about moments when we would just hurry up, do the scene, and get them out of there. We wouldn’t even want to put effort into it. For me, these types of sessions occur when a client wants to come in and has nothing to offer but money and a shortchanged fantasy, all so he could jerk off and hopefully see your tits. But, when I meet a client who is open-minded and is ready to surrender his comforts and power to me, then I become a goddess. I become ethereal. I feed his fetish and help him build a world that, for one hour or more (depending on how much he paid), he is no longer an employee, a doctor, a mailman, a father, etc. He, too, becomes something else altogether. Some clients who enjoyed spending time with me were cross-dressers and those who sought intense role play sessions. They may have noted my femininity, sophistication, and creativity as traits that they felt comfortable with. Of course, every client seeks something special in a Mistress. I can only assume they discovered something special in me. My guess, Sam, is that you might like to be surrendered if the dom romances you a bit. One moment, she’s whispering sweet nothings in your ear, and the next moment you’re kissing her shiny new shoes while she pours hot candle wax on your back. That’s my estimation, anyway.

When we were having our after-show pep talk, we were all dissing on sex work, sort of planning to quit it, and sort of planning to keep on reaping the rewards of it. Tell me the absolute BEST part of sex work and why you would never want to forsake it.

After being a sex worker, on and off, for about five years and actually acquiring a full-time job with, but mostly without, benefits, there are two reasons why I love the former over the latter. For one, sex work is never boring. I have mentioned before that when a certain client or performer occupies your time, it feels more like a job than a fantasy. But, when I became an independent dominatrix and phone sex operator, it was easier to promote myself and, thus, receive the type of clients that worked best with my style. Most of these clients were cross-dressers, men who liked to be dominated by their mothers or teachers, foot fetishists, etc. My hours spent with these gentlemen were very fulfilling. My independence and flexible schedule was such a treat. Never had I felt more like an individual than when I’m involved in sex work. Can you get that type of freedom when you’re someone’s employee? Of course not. Not when you dropped out of school and have to lie to each new employer you meet (According to them, I’m an Honors Graduate with an English Degree, which still hasn’t gotten me far). Another reason why I love being a sex worker is because I can really use my creativity to help people and expand upon my own skills. I’ve dabbled in almost every type of sex work you can think of, from porno to prostitution and back again. I’ve learned so much about human sexuality and I received so many amazing opportunities to speak about my experiences in forums that I would have never known about. And I do love talking about sex… which gets me in trouble almost every time I’m working a normal job. To your average Joe Schmo, I’m a misanthropic, quiet, sometimes uncomfortably crude ticket girl. But, to my clients, I am their mother, their caretaker, their girlfriend, their Goddess. My words and actions mean more to them than it ever would have to other “civilians”. Who couldn’t love a lifestyle like that?

You put on your site that you’re a Fetish Consultant — what is it? Do you help couples? Screenwriters hoping to write about the dom life?

As a Fetish Consultant, I assist both individuals and couples with their fantasy - no matter how outrageous or minute it may be - and give them an opportunity to use it in the bedroom and in their sex lives. I give my clients advice, assignments, and sometimes point them to or accompany them to events where they can let their freak flag fly high. Assignments can vary from writing erotic stories to learning how to use dirty talk, which slowly allows your fetish to exist in the bedroom. One great example is a cross dresser whom I’d help for a couple of weeks. Together we pinpointed his feminine style, accessorized clothes and make-up, practiced everything from gestures to feminine walks, and even went out to a bar as girlfriends. After writing my first article on furry love (which you can check out on my website or blog), someone had approached me with tips on how to initiate her furry fetish and share it with her partner. So, simply put, I teach you how to become a better pervert, with or without your lover :). I can teach you how to play in the bedroom, which prolongs and enhances the sexual experience altogether. And, yes, screenwriters can come to me to breathe some realism into their own sordid tales, although I haven’t attracted anyone with that specific request just yet.

Why do you think you were drawn to sex work in general? Are you more outgoing than most? Lots of secret hidden traumas from the childhood? Or do you just like FREAKS n WEIRDOS deeply. . .

Personally, I’ve had my share of weird encounters with grownups, both as a young girl and now, but I wouldn’t define any of it as traumatic. I’d always been curious about sex, and, even at a young age, I would read works from Betty Dodson, Susie Bright, and Pat Califia to gain a liberating perspective on the matter. By the time I was in college, I felt so much pressure to maintain my grades and be successful that I, for once, just wanted to lose control and do something fun. And I loved sex. Why not go into sex work? And, what a beautiful choice. Never had I been so inspired to be a writer, an artist, and a feminist than when I performed onstage, in a fetish dungeon, or in front of a camera.  And honestly, I do like the weirdos… mainly because I’m one of them.

BIO

Christina Cicchelli is a “Sexventurer” of sorts; she’s spent over five years as a sex worker and has experience in a myriad of industries, including phone sex and professional domination. As a Mistress, she has worked in several NYC Dungeons and also visited devoted clients on an independent basis. As a phone sex operator, she maintained a large amount of callers who sought her guidance, creativity, and experience in fetish and role-play.

Christina is best known for her career as a porn actress. Under the non de plume, Simone Valentino, she’s performed in a handful of films. She received an AVN nomination for “Best Actress” for her role in Afrodite Superstar and also won “Best New Starlet” at the Feminist Porn Awards in 2008 for her role in Audacia Ray’s The Bi Apple.

Christina is now monthly columnist for $pread Magazine and writes about all things fetish in own blog, A Fantastic Nightmare. She is also a Fetish Consultant for individuals and couples who are seeking some kinky inspiration.

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